Friday, April 27, 2007

Elusive Love


I noticed that LOVE has been so elusive lately.
Everytime I find a guy special. Either he is taken, not ready and worst, leaving for another place.

I would like to try again.
I would like to feel arms around me again.
I would like to hear whispered words of sweetness into my ear again
I would like to make love night and day again.

I would like to feel safe at night knowing someone sleeps beside me again.
I would like to dream for two again.
I would like to talk nonsense and enjoy it with someone again.

I would like to cry on someone's shoulder again.
I would like to wake up everyday looking forward to seeing someone again.
I would like to come home to someone again.

I would like to go crazy and hear laughters again.
I would like to argue over petty things again.

I would like to fall head over heels in love again.

Contradictory Thoughts

I got a laugh when I saw my last two posts before this.

Two contradictory posts...about sex and my angel query.

We'll, that's me. I have reconciled my spirituality and personality long time ago.

I believe I am special and whatever my orientation be, I know my God will never forsake me.

I don't believe in judgement made by man, there is only one being that can judge me and fairly well and that is my Lord, my Creator.

I am me. I was born to be whoever I want to be. It is my blessing. It is my gift.

Healing


I ramdomly picked an Angel Card this morning to ask for some insight on what was it that bothers me on a deeper level. Because lately, I have been experiencing confusion and indecision over some things that is coming my way. There are choices to be made, decisions, and opportunities. But it seemed that I cannot go on. Something is pulling me back.

And there it was, my angel had revealed me the answer.

The Archangel Raphael, the one who heals.

I need to heal. Heal the part of me that had been hurt. Heal the part of me that needs to close. Feelings, thoughts, memories and all.

Time to let go and let myself live my life anew.
Which is what I have been doing actually but just not fully.

Time to say goodbye and say hello.
Time to bury old feelings and feel anew.
Time to let go and be free.

Tuesday, April 24, 2007

Yaoi - Japanese Gay Cartoons



I was browsing one of the threads in an all gay-bi site and come across this forum on Gay Cartoons.



Never was I turned on by such illustration.
I am never a fan of Japanese Animation, well except eons ago when Voltes V, Mazinger Z and Daimoz were a fad!







Back when I wish I was Jamie instead of Steve, Sayaka and not Mazinger Z and who would forget Erica of Daimoz?


Nowadays, you could watch a lot in local TV. But I've outgrown them. Now these comics...my gosh! I can't help myself from going wide eyed, gawk, grovel and stare!

Well who wouldn't?

Leandro Okabe - Hunk 1







I often go ga-ga over guys. Especially when he looks like this guy - LEANDRO OKABE, a mixture of races and the result was a demi-god worth worshipping.

I will once in a while post pictures of demi-gods and these men fills my wetdreams, and I do hope it will fill yours too.


Monday, April 16, 2007

The Best Of Me

As I look back and recall, there are moments in your life that brings out the best in you.
I had mine, when I joined the Mr. Gay Philippines search.

" The greatest learning in life is to know yourself, for if you know yourself, who you really are, you know what you can and cannot do. You can achieve anything and will lead you to greater heights without shame nor prejudice."

I wasn't my night, but it was my moment. I did what I know my best, for a first timer in a grand competition.
Yet I feel I end up a winner.
I won my self-esteem.
I won my pride.
I won my courage.
And found out who I really am.

My Favorite Party Place - BED


BED a place where one can be free to be oneself, dance to their heart's fancy and to mingle with people.
It's a disco, bar and a place to relax all in one. Beautiful people flock in this place to unwind and be seen.
My friends and I often go there Thursday, or Friday, or Saturday nights and party until the wee hours in the morning.

Located in the heart of Malate area.
There is no one like it.
It is where I can be me with no pretensions. I can let myself free and dance to the fabulous music the DJs play.

Truly, there is no one like it.

Would you go to BED with me?

Friday, April 13, 2007

A Puerto Galera Adventure


At last, I had experienced Puerto Galera. Finally I enjoyed my long Holy Week vacation.
Year after year, I always plan to go there, with some friends but often it didn't push through. But alas, with some fellow Mr. Gay Philippines candidates and organizers, I had my Puerto Galera moment. The trip was not that long nor bad, it was all worth it. After staying for at least six hours at the Batangas pier waiting for our ferry ride, we arrived at Puerto Galera, Mindoro at dawn. The shore was calm, the water, crystal clear and the sand, not white but cream colored, nevertheless nice. I brought my tent and so one of the candidates and we looked for a place to pitch them. We found an area by the shore and happily set up.
For four days we had a blast.
Playing beach volleyball, eating out, got ourselves henna tatooes (I got a dolphin on my chest!), walk around parading topless and feel the stares of the other beachcombers...lolz.
At night there were parties all around, lots of bars, disco, concerts, games, music...fun, fun, fun!
For three days straight also I always come to my tent drunk from the famous Mindoro Sling (a conconction of alcohol and fruit juices Puerto Galera bars are famous for) but it was good!

I also visited the famous "Jurassic Park" and the "Rockwell" where they say a lot of "happenings" commence every night and the wee hours of the morning.
One can really noticed that most beachcombers were "men" which was the beach is famous for also, for every Holy Week, most Bi and Gay men flock to this place to unwind, and "haunt." Ooh and a lot of them are there indeed. I can't help but gawk, grovel and stare at the hot bodies and gorgeous faces of men in almost their nakedness!


Whew!

In the end, I tried, one sunset, to sit on a "banca" on the shore watch the sun slowly go down the horizon and reflect on my life and how blessed I was.

I closed my eyes and say a little prayer of thanksgiving to the Almighty for all the wonderful things He had done in my life. As that's the Holy Week is for ain't it?

Wednesday, April 11, 2007

A Tribute To A Friend

It is rare to meet someone and share your life with, be it a moment or a lifetime.
Especially when it comes to friends. They are blessings for me and I cannot live without them around.
Rarely too that you get to meet friends who are real.
I am glad I met someone I can call my friend.

Ray Allen, here's to you.

just go on my friend
spread your wings and fly
like a phoenix you are
you will never die

just go and fly to the skies
they are waiting for you
just remember me always
where ever you may go

just go on and meet your destiny
it's always been there waiting
it's your time to shine you say
claim it and end the dreaming

Show them what you've got Mr. Gay Philippines 2007!

Tuesday, April 03, 2007

A Photo Session 13


photography by Dominic James

Monday, April 02, 2007

Holy Week


Holy Week brings back a lot of memories, mostly during the early days of my life.
We used to live in Tondo, a suburb in Manila, there I grew up and learned a lot about life.
My parents held this annual "PABASA" or "PASYON" and for almost 20 years, year after year during Maundy Thursday til Good Friday, an overnight non-stop singing of the book containing the life and times of our Lord Jesus Christ takes place.


The Pasyon refers to the verse narrative on the life and sufferings of Jesus Christ. The pasyon text may be written in Tagalog or in other major Philippine languages, like Pampango, Ilocano, Pangasinan, Bicol, Ilongo, Cebuano, and Waray. There are also pasyon narrative among the Ibanag and Itawes of Cagayan, the Gaddang of Nueva Vizcaya, and the Cuyunon of Palawan.
Among the Tagalog, the most commonly used text is entitled Casaysayan ng pasiong mahal ni Jesucristong Panginoon natin na sucat ipag-alab ng puso ng sinumang babasa (An account of the sacred passion of our Lord Jesus Christ which should inflame the heart of anyone who reads it), which is one of the many later editions of a work by an unknown writer first published in 1814.

Continuous singing of this length is not practiced in the Spanish and Mexican lenten traditions. It relates to the Philippine cultural practice connected with epic singing during important celebrations of the community. The pasyon may also be chanted, though rarely now, during wakes and death anniversaries, as well as during the reenactment of Christ's Last Supper on Holy Thursday evening. There are various melodies and musical styles in the rendering of the pasyon.

Because the text is in 5-line stanzas while melodic phrases tend to be symmetrical, various techniques are employed to reconcile the difference. In a widely used, old Tagalog punto, the first musical phrase encompasses lines 1 and 2, while the second musical phrase covers lines 3, 4, and 5. In adapting folk song melodies or similar tunes, a four-phrase melody is first sung for lines 1 to 4, which is repeated to render lines 2 to 5. Another formula makes a four-phrase melody coincide with lines 1 to 4 and appends a stock melody or standard melodic ending for line five. Generally, pasyon singing is a capella.

The pasyon chanting tradition is seen by many of its practitioners as a vow or panata made by an individual or family, which in many cases has been passed on from one to two generations back.


There were a lot of events that happen during those years, some natural, some for me, supernatural other just plain memories.

Once an earthquake occured at about 3:00 P.M in the afternoon, just about the time (supposedly) that Jesus died.
Then almost always during about that time too on Good Friday, the sky is a bit dark as if rain is coming though it did not.
Blessing pour out, for the community share their part on feeding the singers and those who sang overnight and other helpers. Food is abundant, the community unites for that particular moment.


Me I am always busy eating, but nonetheless do my part in singing at least for an hour with my siblings. In between the hours men doing penitence passes by and pray with us. These men scared me and my siblings back then for these men wore blood-soaked tattered clothes and beat their backs with blade or broken glass-ridden whips. We would often ran inside the house and peeked through the window or the door til they pass.

Most of all, I remember my Papa, my father who leads everyone with this event.
After the "PABASA" everyone would remove their shoes or slippers and carry their own patron saints or crucifix and together as one, we'll walk for about some kilometers, barefooted towards Sto. Nino church for a special mass to all devotees and upon returning back to the community there will be this one big banquet for everyone to enjoy.

Time. Fleeting. Fast. Goes by that quickly.
My father died a few years back and we tried to continue with this legacy.

But soon we moved out of Tondo and now settles in Cavite. The closest province to Manila.
The "PABASA" stopped but the memory lives on.

I sometimes still hear the echo of the melody my neighbors sang in the deepest caverns of my mind. I can still dream of my Papa walking barefooted and carrying our crucifix, I know that act of his is his own way of bearing all the worries and troubles for his family. It's his way of sparing us all our sadness and pains. I miss him so much.

It was a good memory and forever will be in my heart.